Strategies to Protect and Preserve Trans Hope
Most everyone I know is completely overwhelmed by our current political moment. The clients I serve as a gender doula have been arriving at our sessions with more grief, confusion, and struggle than usual, my trans friends are showing the heaviness of the moment with their sighs and the topics of conversation. It's a time of struggle for many, and the pain of it is only magnified by the news cycle and the various algorithms that run so many of our lives.
I know that folks need hope right now, and I don't see many outlets offering it. First of all, as my dear friend Mars recently pointed out, "Trans pain is monetizable." This is an important thing to take in, because I think that really allowing yourself to recognize this fact can help release you from the need to engage with everything all the time. The structures of this culture have us feeling like we are never doing enough. That holds true in our professional lives, of course, but crucially, it seeps into every other part of life as well, and often in insidious ways. We perpetuate this mindset against one another as well - are you posting about the important thing? Are you showing your frustration, anger, and pain in a way that is consumable? If you aren't, then maybe you don't even care….right?
This mindset is poison to our hearts and souls. We have not evolved for a 24 hours news cycle. We have not evolved for social media and algorithms that prioritize pain, rage, and grief over joy, love, and gentleness. So when we belong to the group or groups that are currently under attack from all sides, we are deeply susceptible to hitting a state of absolute shutdown on every level. Everything feels vital, urgent, and overwhelming, and that is a recipe for our nervous systems to collapse into a freeze response.
It is absolutely vital that we disengage from this hamster wheel of doom. We can take back our attention, we can take back our time, we can take back our energy. We can look at the times that we spend doom scrolling, reading frightening news articles, or spreading fear around our social circles and truly ask ourselves "What does this accomplish?" There may be some scary articles or pieces of information that are important for you, personally, to know. But the vast majority of it is not. It does not serve you, it does not help you, it does not do anything except make money for the websites and apps you're using and leave you frozen, strung out, and feeling hopeless.
So…no thanks! We need something else, and that's what this post is all about. As Miriame Kaba says, "Hope is a discipline." Which is an awesome quote, and it may be intuitive to some folks to know how to show up to hope in a disciplined way, or as I would say, to show up to hope as a devotional practice. But most of us haven't been taught how to do that, and may feel as though a missive to make hope a devotional practice is vague and unhelpful. This post is for you.
I will use this space to offer three main strategies for protecting and preserving trans hope. I will go into depth with each strategy, with the hope that you can begin implementing even one of these things.
Preserve & Protect Your Energy
This list isn't meant to be linear, but I do believe that preserving and protecting your energy is a vital first step. In fact, if that is the only strategy that you take from this writing, that is enough. In my experience, preserving and protecting my energy is something that began as a small thing I changed here and there, and is something that has slowly grown in scope until it has become a guiding principle of my life.
You may want to begin by recognizing all of the places where your energy is being drained. Some of these activities may be non-negotiable (for example, working at your job), but you may be able to change how you do them, so add them to the list regardless. Some common energy sucks are
Work
Anxiety about (fill in the blank)
Extractive relationships
Social media
Dissociative/mindless activities
Unfulfilling social obligations
News apps/emails
Podcasts/shows/videos/etc that activate your nervous system into fear or anxiety
Of course there are many more as well. It may be impossible to address all of these things at once, but perhaps you can focus on shifting one of these at a time. For example, if social media is extracting a lot of your energy, you may want to change the account that you follow and selectively say you're "not interested" in certain posts to shift your algorithm. Or, you may want to delete the app altogether for a day, a week, a month, or forever. Take some time to feel into that, to see what changes, what opens up, etc. Then, maybe consider unsubscribing to most or all news-related emails. Consider deleting any news apps off of your phone.
This is just an example, but changing things like this, one at a time, gives you a chance to feel into the results of the change, and to replace the old habit with something new that actually restores your energy. Which leads me to the other side of this process: recognizing and bringing in that which bolsters and protects your energy.
I've plugged it before and I will plug it again; Tricia Hersey's "Rest is Resistance" is an absolute must-read. It will change your life and shift your thinking on rest. I've seen many folks try to capture her message but they do so poorly, leaving the impression that rest = sleep or rest = naps or that rest is only something that is available to the most privileged among us. Tricia's message goes well beyond this. She was initiated into rest while being a mother, while being a Black woman in America, while being low income, while in graduate school, while commuting and working and trying to do well in classes. This is not a book about "rest" as something one must attain a level of financial stability to access. This is a book about accessing rest exactly where you are right now, as a radical reclamation of your sacred humanity. I can not recommend this book (and the accompanying deck) more highly!
Regardless if you read Tricia Hersey's book though, you can begin by making a list of that which restores you. What helps you feel calm, energized? What helps you get into a flow state, or brings you back to a sense of joy and wonder? Some ideas are:
Spending time in nature (alone or with loved ones)
Watching a gorgeous sunset (or sunrise if you're that kind of person lol)
Cuddling with a friend or partner, with no screens present
Long conversations with friends
Spending time with your pets
A massage, acupuncture, body work, breath work, etc
Walking/dancing/swimming or another movement practice
Painting/drawing/making music or another creative pursuit
And yes, naps!
Just like with the energy drain list, start with incorporating one of these things. In fact, you can use this list to help you fill in the free time left after reducing one of the time sucks…see how that works?
If this is where you stop, that's fine. Because here's the thing: If you get to the other side of this political moment and you are still alive, then you will have gotten one priceless, irreplaceable trans life to the other side. And baby, that is absolutely enough. But if you want to do more, if you have the capacity for more, then keep reading.
How To Fight with Hope and Self Compassion
If you have decided that you can fight, that you have the energy and the capacity to do so, or if you feel like action is integral to maintaining your hope practice, this section is for you. See, a lot of the viral stories and social media creators are capitalizing on outrage and despair. And while both of these emotions are understandable in this current situation, we can't afford to live in them. We need to build a foundation in hope, something that can hold us steady through the storms of outrage and despair. So the foundation of the following approach is hope.
The key question to fighting back against the current anti-trans backlash is this: "What am I in a position to do?"
This question provides the space for you to get real and honest about your capacity, your energy, your privilege, and your power. It creates the space for you to engage from a place that is rooted in self-sovereignty, but also in a clear-eyed awareness of that which is available to you. Your answer to this question will be, and should be, unique to you. Here's some options that you can consider.
If you can not leave your house, but you live in a place where anti-trans legislation is being passed, you can begin by writing letters to every person who represents you. This may include school board members, mayors, district representatives, governors, state representatives, state senators, federal representatives, federal senators, and the president of the United States, among many others. A letter may not seem like much, but not that many folks write letters to their government. Especially if you send a letter in the mail, or take the time to write an email in your own words - it will make a difference. Further, you can organize a group of friends to do this together, either virtually or in person. Make a fun night out of it! This has the added benefit of body-doubling, which makes it a lot easier to write the letter. You can send roughly the same letter to all levels of representatives, but don't send the same letter that your friend does.
There are a number of things that you can do at your workplace. If it feels safe to do so, you can ask your employer to stand with trans people publicly. If it doesn't feel safe for YOU to request this, you can ask a cis het coworker (whom you trust) to ask, or to organize a groups of cis het people in your company to ask. You can also focus on getting trans-friendly policies put into place, such as gender neutral bathrooms, insurance coverage for trans healthcare, and commitments to anti-discrimination. You can ask your employer to bring in educators such as the Transgender Training Institute to educate your workplace under the banner of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion.
If you're in some position of power - elected official at any level, manager or supervisor, business owner (of any size business), professor, etc. - start thinking about how you can leverage your power. If you're an elected official, you can make statements of public support for all of those you represent, specifically including the trans community. If you're in a professional position of power, organize a donation from your company to the Transgender Law Center or any of the many organizations currently opposing anti-trans legislation. If you have a podcast, invite trans guests with relevant expertise on the discuss the situation. If you work for a media outlet, you can write stories about trans hope, trans joy, and trans liberation.
Even if you're not in a position of professional power, I guarantee there are options available to you. For example, lets say all of this anti-trans stuff is deeply stressful and you can't engage with the political side of things because its destroying your mental health (I mean same haha). Could you organize a trans dance party? Even with 3 friends? Could you create a trans care circle where you and a few friends check in with each other regularly and maybe just share nice songs or cute pet pics? Can you have a little trans hiking club and enjoy the spring weather? Is there even one trans person who you can send a little hope to, a little joy to? Is there even one trans person who you can remind, "Hey, you matter and I love you"?
If you want to, you can attend rallies, protests, and other shows of solidarity and support with other trans people. I feel like this is the most common way that folks think of to engage, and for many people, it is an inspiring and beautiful experience! But for others (like myself), these kinds of gatherings can be impossible due to PTSD or other issues of ability/mental health/neurodivergence. So please consider your capacity, ability, and safety, and know that this is just one of many ways to engage.
Regardless of what you are in a position to do, you need to find a way to locate "enough-ness." In other words, "I have done enough for today/this week/this month." Our culture has us constantly pushing for more more more, and that seeps into how we do everything, including activism. We must commit to a more human pace, and part of that is locating enoughness, so that we can invoke it when we need to, and therefore calm ourselves.
Find and Engage with Moments of Trans Joy, Trans Hope, and Trans Resilience
How would your life change if you read two stories of trans joy, pleasure, and just plain trans living for every one scary headline? What about 5:1? 10:1? Spend some time considering this - when you are told over and over again, from every angle possible, that being trans is dangerous, scary, and awful, how do you think you're going to feel in your trans body?
As always, I'm not trying to bypass the very real experiences of transphobia and etc that we all experience. But there's so much more to our lives than that. Truly, focusing only on the abject experiences of transphobia is…cis culture. That's not our culture and it doesn't bring us anything positive. It is fully possible to recognize the challenges each of us faces in life without building a home in the realm of despair.
One way to do this is to shift your focus to stories of trans hope, trans joy, and trans resilience. One incredible elder in this is Miss Major, a Black trans woman who fought at Stonewall and has been fighting for the community ever since. Miss Major, like most Black trans women, has faced a great deal of challenge due to the unique vulnerability of her various identities. She has worked as a sex worker, she has been incarcerated, she has fought hard for trans rights, and she has been mother to thousands of queer and trans people. She is resilient, hopeful, and powerful, and her life is a study in hope as a discipline/devotion. Her book comes out 5/16/23.
There are many other books that may be helpful with this, both fiction and non-fiction. I found this excellent graphic that helps you navigate these books, made for Room of One's Own Bookstore, right here. I also love this graphic because it highlights how much things have changed for trans people in a positive way. When I first started to explore my gender, the only books I could really find were academic gender theory books. Trans people have truly done a mind-bogglingly incredible job of carving out space for ourselves all throughout our culture. That's the story I want to remember when things seem grim.
Conclusion & Reminders
I deeply hope that this blog offers you some strategies to preserve and maintain your trans hope. Here are a few things I would like to offer as gentle reminders:
You do not have to engage with the news
You do not have to engage with social media
Trans people have made incredible social progress over the past century; there are more people on our side than any other time in the history of this country.
The majority of Americans don't like the current anti-trans political climate and think that their politicians should focus on other topics.
Our elders and transcestors have been through this before, and hold great strength and wisdom that is available to us.
This is a phase, and it will end.
I love you. Take gentle care of yourself.